Write from a Place of Pain

It must be 20 years since I first discovered the words of Natalie Goldberg. In fact, her Writing Down the Bones was the first book on writing I ever bought. It blew me away. Here was a woman who was making a very nice living doing something that to many would be classed as sheer indulgence. She would go and sit in a café, ‘meet at the page’ and just ‘go’. She’d write about whatever popped into her head, inspired by the scene around her or the thoughts in her head. One sentence from her book has stayed with me ever since. It is a sentence that I add to many of my handouts. It is a sentence that makes my stomach do a little flip every time I read it out loud. Here’s what she says:

‘Begin to write in the dumb, awkward way an animal cries out in pain, and there you will find your intelligence, your words, your voice.’

Every time I look at a piece of my writing and think there is something missing I remember this phrase. The best writing should resonate not only with the reader, but with you, the writer. The best writing is emotive. I learned this to my cost last year. Let me tell you the story:

Just over two years ago I decided it was time I wrote a novel, I’d had an idea mooching around in my head for a while and recognised that it was no good leaving it there. I had to put it on the page. So, I started writing. I was quickly ‘in the flow’ and wrote 98,000 words. It was about an expat wife, a bit like me, who found herself in Dubai, just like me, and who wanted to retain her professional identity against all odds, just like me. I knew the topic well. I had been there, done that, got the tee shirt and written the books too. With titles under my belt including Career in Your Suitcase, Find Your Passion and Expat Entrepreneur, I reckoned I had the subject matter sussed. But after months of writing I received some feedback on my work and was told in no uncertain terms that I had got it badly wrong. You see, the thing is, I knew so much about the subject that I had inadvertently written a non-fiction book all over again instead of a novel.

My wonderful mentor, and much-published novelist, Anita Burgh took me to one side and said: “What happened to your poetry and your lyricism, Jo? Where did you go? It’s a story, remember?”

Well, I’m not sure where I had been, but at that moment I knew the place I had to go was back to the drawing board. I binned my 98,000 words and started again, this time from a place of pain. This time I got right inside the head of my main characters and felt their emotions not for them, but with them. In doing so, I was forced to drop my ‘portable career expert’ status and simply start telling the story. In short, I did what Goldberg had been telling me to do for years. To be vulnerable. To be awkward. To feel exposed.

I finished my novel in January, and immediately after, as some of you know, I published my first volume of poetry, A Moving Landscape. Buoyed up by the feeling of relief and freedom that I had gained from writing my novel, I was confident enough to go one step further and show the world my poems too.

I’m with Goldberg. Your best writing and your writer’s voice are to be found when you find your words not in the pen or keyboard but in your heart, your gut, your soul. If you find it a struggle to expose yourself in this way and perhaps consider it too scary, then I suggest you try writing a poem. In my experience, poetry is written from that place of pain, and when you write it, somehow you give yourself permission to be vulnerable.

It’s July. Chances are you will be taking a holiday sometime soon. My challenge to you is that you take a beautiful notebook along with you and practise writing from the soul. You never know, you may not just find your voice, you may find yourself too.

Jo

Don’t forget to scroll down to the Writers’ Resources section in this month’s Inspirer See the Workshop Diary for brief details. To catch the news when it happens please sign up to my blog. For a summary of what I’ve been writing about see the On the blog section of this newsletter.

With warm wishes
Jo Parfitt

A Place of Pain

It must be 20 years since I first discovered the words of Natalie Goldberg. In fact, her Writing Down the Bones was the first book on writing I ever bought. It blew me away. Here was a woman who was making a very nice living doing something that to many would be classed as sheer indulgence. She would go and sit in a café, ‘meet at the page’ and just ‘go’. She’d write about whatever popped into her head, inspired by the scene around her or the thoughts in her head. One sentence from her book has stayed with me ever since. It is a sentence that I add to many of my handouts. It is a sentence that makes my stomach do a little flip every time I read it out loud. Here’s what she says:

‘Begin to write in the dumb, awkward way an animal cries out in pain, and there you will find your intelligence, your words, your voice.’

Every time I look at a piece of my writing and think there is something missing I remember this phrase. The best writing should resonate not only with the reader, but with you, the writer. The best writing is emotive. I learned this to my cost last year. Let me tell you the story:

Just over two years ago I decided it was time I wrote a novel, I’d had an idea mooching around in my head for a while and recognised that it was no good leaving it there. I had to put it on the page. So, I started writing. I was quickly ‘in the flow’ and wrote 98,000 words. It was about an expat wife, a bit like me, who found herself in Dubai, just like me, and who wanted to retain her professional identity against all odds, just like me. I knew the topic well. I had been there, done that, got the tee shirt and written the books too. With titles under my belt including Career in Your Suitcase, Find Your Passion and Expat Entrepreneur, I reckoned I had the subject matter sussed. But after months of writing I received some feedback on my work and was told in no uncertain terms that I had got it badly wrong. You see, the thing is, I knew so much about the subject that I had inadvertently written a non-fiction book all over again instead of a novel.

My wonderful mentor, and much-published novelist, Anita Burgh took me to one side and said: “What happened to your poetry and your lyricism, Jo? Where did you go? It’s a story, remember?”

Well, I’m not sure where I had been, but at that moment I knew the place I had to go was back to the drawing board. I binned my 98,000 words and started again, this time from a place of pain. This time I got right inside the head of my main characters and felt their emotions not for them, but with them. In doing so, I was forced to drop my ‘portable career expert’ status and simply start telling the story. In short, I did what Goldberg had been telling me to do for years. To be vulnerable. To be awkward. To feel exposed.

I finished my novel in January, and immediately after, as some of you know, I published my first volume of poetry, A Moving Landscape. Buoyed up by the feeling of relief and freedom that I had gained from writing my novel, I was confident enough to go one step further and show the world my poems too.

I’m with Goldberg. Your best writing and your writer’s voice are to be found when you find your words not in the pen or keyboard but in your heart, your gut, your soul. If you find it a struggle to expose yourself in this way and perhaps consider it too scary, then I suggest you try writing a poem. In my experience, poetry is written from that place of pain, and when you write it, somehow you give yourself permission to be vulnerable.

It’s July. Chances are you will be taking a holiday sometime soon. My challenge to you is that you take a beautiful notebook along with you and practise writing from the soul. You never know, you may not just find your voice, you may find yourself too.

Jo

Free your mind

Need a bit of inspiration? Then read my column as Writer in Residence at The Hague Online, where I write about how I get my best ideas.

You can read it here: http://www.thehagueonline.com/features/your_columns/2009-06-23/free-your-mind-writer-in-residence-jo-parfitt

Put wow in your writing – London 29 June

Books need a wow factor! Find out how to make your book come alive by writing effective anecdotes and case studies. Come and be inspired and empowered when I’m the guest speaker at Storyville in WC2 from 7-9 pm on 29th. Just £15. Details at http://www.thebig-leap.com/storyville.phtml

Don’t miss my free publishing workshop in Amsterdam

Could you, should you, write a book?

If this is a question that you often ask yourself, then maybe it’s time to find out. On 9th July I’m running a Special Interest Group workshop for the European Professional Women’s network in Amsterdam. It will cover topics including:
what makes a book sell?
what is a wow factor?
could I really write a book?
what book would make me the most money?
how can a book help me raise my fees?

So, if you need to be inspired, informed and supported hurry and grab your place on this free workshop. led by me, Jo Parfitt, from 7-9pm at the Renaissance Hotel in Amsterdam.

Places are limited and the link is here http://europeanpwn-amsterdam.net/workshops/publish-your-book

The F Word – Focus

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of hearing Stephanie Ward of Firefly Coaching speak to my networking group, Connecting Women, about how to attract more clients in less time (tip you can download a free report on just this from her website). She had a packed house. It’s always the same when Steph comes to speak to us. She gets the highest attendance of the year. Always. Stephanie is a business coach who specialises in helping small businesses get more clients and make more profit. Did you get that? Stephanie helps small businesses get more clients and make more profit. Stephanie is a great example of someone who knows about the F word – Focus. According to the book ‘The Long Tail’ the successful businesses of the future all have focus, sometimes called a niche.

I can’t tell you how important this is. Whether you are writing a book, writing an article or own a business, it must have focus. It must fit a defined niche. If you can’t describe what you are doing in simple language in just one sentence, then it will be too confusing. If your book does not have focus, then a publisher won’t be clear what he’s buying. If your article does not have focus, then your editor won’t know where to put it in the magazine. And if your business does not have focus, then potential clients won’t know what they could be buying and your friends and contacts won’t know how to refer you to others.

But back to Stephanie. You see, one of the ways to attract more clients in less time is, of course, to have a defined niche. As I said earlier, twice, she has a very clear niche. Of course, as a business coach, she can do much more than just help small businesses to get more clients and make more profit, but she doesn’t tell everyone that. She sticks to her short and snappy message and lets people find out about the rest of her services for themselves.

At our meeting, the room was buzzing with people pleading to be given permission to hang on to a selection of services, but Stephanie was adamant.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, shaking her head sadly, ‘but you just have to let some of those things go. You simply must have a niche.’ Being American, she pronounces the word ‘nitch’.

I’m sorry too, because I know she’s right and I have had to say goodbye to some of the services I have clung to for years. Remember last month’s Inspirer, when I talked about flogging a dead horse? Well, I know how hard it is to put some of those dead horses out to pasture. But since last month’s newsletter, and since Steph’s pep talk I have been sure to remember her advice. Not only in my business, but in every area of my work. I now answer the question ‘what do you do?’ with, simply, ‘I help people to write and publish their books.’

But focus is not just for business. When I’m helping a client to come up with a winning formula for a book with a wow factor I am careful to ensure that the idea can be described in one sentence. I’m working on the new brochure I’m developing that focuses on my newly-defined niche and I’m trying hard to keep my message short, clear and appealing. Further, when I watched the Apprentice the other week I took note of the fact that professional advertisers claim that the maximum number of words you should have on a poster is 10. Did you notice that Stephanie’s focussed business ‘offer’ also has 10 words?

Keeping focus is tough. But sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind. Just as writers have to learn to ‘murder their children’ and delete swathes of text in order to stay on track; just as we benefit from weeding our wardrobes and chucking out clutter every now and again; we all need focus.

So then, what do you think? Is focus your F word or could it perhaps be your new best friend?

Want to sell more books?

Mary Cavanagh turned to self-publishing when her agreement ended with a traditional publishing house. She has never looked back and has sold thousands of books thanks to the help of the marketing gurus at Matador and the publishers at Troubadour. Her book entitled the Seriously Useful Guide to Marketing an Publicising Books shares Mary’s secrets for getting her book into the press, onto the shelves and into the libraries. From ideas you may have had yourself, such as book signings and festivals, to how to use the internet, blogs, booklovers’ sites and how to do a book launch that works – and how to do one that doesn’t. This is frank and honest, as Mary shares her own experience of the successes and the failures along the way. Many of the people instrumental in her success have contributed their part of the story too, including Mark Thornton of the independent bookshop, Mostly Books, in Abingdon, who runs a workshop himself, called Shelf Secrets, designed to help authors get their books on those hallowed shelves.

Would you like to review my 26th book – A Moving Landscape?

Jo Parfitt's poetry memoir A Moving Landscape

I can’t believe it, but I just wrote my 26th book. It’s been a scary old process this, because, for the first time ever, I am publishing my poetry and my memoir at the same time. Yep, that’s right. My life in verse. You see, I don’t admit it to everyone, but I write poetry too. Non-fiction, fiction, journalism AND poetry. So there you have it, 30 or so years of my life exposed for all to see. Those who did know of my poetry habit have been begging me to publish for years, so I guess I wrote it for you.

In this month’s Acclimate, the expat mag from Bangkok, they have published a preview selection of poems.

If you would like a review copy for your publication, then go ahead and send me your address and I’ll post you one. If you want it faster, I can send you a PDF.

You can order it on Amazon too.

Advice for families on the move at FIGT

If you want to find out about the best expat conference and the wisdom of this year’s opening and closing keynote speakers, then you can read about it on the Telegraph’s website.

Doug Ota spoke about growing through grief, and 17 year old expat kid and author at 13, Anika Smit spoke about her life. A truly inspiring conference that you should pledge to be part of next year. Take a look at www.figt.org

Writers Take Note – Letteracy comes to the Hague

Next week, Kiwi actress, storyteller, playwright and inspirer extraordinaire comes to The Hague with her unique set of plays to entertain us. As a writer and word lover I was delighted to hear about Letteracy. This play, devised, written and performed by Tanya has been created in praise of letter-writing. Don’t miss it. Please.

Tanya is here 5-15 June and is running a storytelling workshop, a children’s play called Box of Foxes and many other wondrous things, but Letteracy is ONLY on 5th and 6th at the Communication Museum in Zeestraat. I’ll be there. More info at www.theenglishtheatre.nl.

Living Your Best Life Abroad now available on Amazon

Who would have believed that less than 9 months ago, Jeanne Heinzer had not even started writing her book? Now, it is not only written but it is in print and available on Amazon worldwide. It’s a super book and I am delighted to have been Jeanne’s mentor, content editor and publisher for this project.

Written for accompanying partners of those of international assignment, this book will help the reader to assess her life and work out the steps she needs to take to make this life the best, happiest and most fulfilling it can be. It is no secret that the happiness of the spouse has a huge impact on the success of an assignment, so companies take note – buy this for your spouses and ensure that you don’t end up having to send your best employees home just because their wife could not settle.